Please, let me fuck your mom
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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