I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
