she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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