Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
