i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
