Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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