P.S. I can't hear my feet
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
