Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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