Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
