I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
