she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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