he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I can feel your judgement through the phone
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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