oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
