Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
