he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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