I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
