If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
