I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
