"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
