I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
the day after is always just damage control
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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