We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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