guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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