My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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