She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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