I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
