i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize