Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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