Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Dignity is for republicans.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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