this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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