Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
