Yo dont text me then not text me
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
