I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
