i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
