she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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