How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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