Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
