when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
