I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize