how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
