i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
