By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
