it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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