Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize