It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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