Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
