so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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