when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
how do flat chested girls get laid?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
