I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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