I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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