you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize