They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
