Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize