Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
