My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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