Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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