I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
