how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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