does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
