He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
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