So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
not ubering you a puppy
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
