apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
