i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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