all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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