You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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