She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
