There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize